The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
