just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
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