He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
