ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
