is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Randomize
