6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
wat bout pragnant strippers??
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Randomize
