Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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