Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
