So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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