Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Randomize
