So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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