He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
