Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
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