New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize