Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
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