at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
