so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
