Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
