Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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