I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
