I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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