totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
My breasts were aching with rage.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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