I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
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