I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
