When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
