Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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