I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
