im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
