38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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