I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
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