She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
