even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
