Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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