I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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