This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
