he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I am spending my child support on dildos
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
