im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
