Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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