I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Randomize