Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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