i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Randomize
