i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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