I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
one might say we're banned from that church
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
