I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Randomize
