he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
There are leaves in my underwear?
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