I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
