Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
