I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
