Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize