ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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