Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
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