Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
