it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
