listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
