Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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