The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Randomize
