tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize