I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Randomize
