this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
