Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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