dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Randomize