Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
