Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize