Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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