You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Randomize
