You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
